On Breastfeeding

Here's what bothers me about the breastfeeding discussions lately. Well, there is the obvious, the “why is a breast okay to sell a product but not to feed a baby?” and “I wouldn’t want to eat in the bathroom” points. Yes, yes, yes. Breastfeeding is healthy, and it is natural, but breastfeeding is also hard, and hard in the marathon, endurance way, even if you have an “easy” time breastfeeding (avoiding mastitis, low production, incorrect latch, teething, food irritations, pumping etc., but you likely won’t avoid all these things anyway.) The not sleeping, constantly nursing, not to mention eating large quantities of food and never feeling fully hydrated hard. Did I mention that nursing around the clock and waking at all hours to feed a child is challenging? Did I mention that I haven’t had a full night of sleep in three years, because I have been nursing for three years straight?

Yes, I have been breastfeeding for three years straight. My daughter turned three years old yesterday, and my son turns one in a few weeks, and I have been nursing one and two children for three years. I don’t breastfeed because I love whipping my breasts out in public, nor do I breastfeed because it is the most fulfilling thing I have ever done. I breastfeed because it is the healthiest thing for my children. This is an established fact. I have sacrificed much more than sleep to be able to breastfeed my children. I can’t pump very well (and my oldest, a lean baby, refused a bottle, so it was impossible to leave her), so especially for my children’s first year of life, everything is scheduled around their feeding. I work from home and have a babysitter come to my house, so I can nurse my baby from my desk when he wants. Progress on my doctoral dissertation from Princeton (which I will be finishing in the next few months—yay!) has been much delayed by the constant demands of my children. Yes, mothering takes time as well, but breastfeeding takes the mother’s time, and the mother’s time alone. Even if you are hooked up to a pump, your time being poured into those bottles. Producing milk takes a lot of extra calories (energy), so in addition to waking up frequently with a baby, I also feel more tired and at times depleted. It is even inconvenient if you don’t have your baby with you because you need to take care of your breasts. A couple of weeks ago, I flew to Seattle for the day (I couldn’t go any longer than this because of breastfeeding) and found myself squatting in the corner of the airport bathroom pumping (with a cover on, mind you), and desperately wishing to be invisible.

Does this sound fun so far? Now think about the physical discomfort. Your nipples will crack and bleed, and even if you don’t have that at first, it is still uncomfortable. We just aren’t used to having little Hoovers attached to our breasts. And just wait until your children start to teethe, because mine have bit me so hard that my nipples bleed, and three years into breastfeeding, I hardly notice. It is normal. I have had mastitis, complete with fevers and tremendous pain twice, once with each child. Worse than all this is the boredom from so many hours spent with a small child who cannot talk. I read the entire Bones series of books within the first few months of my son’s life, not to mention countless history and sociology books, until I can’t read anymore. And when your child reaches a certainly (entirely too young) age, it will be almost and sometimes impossible to read because your child will hit your book right out of your hand. How could I forget the food sensitivities newborns sometimes have? My son had severe food intolerances, so for seven months I ate ONLY white rice, organic hamburger meat, over-cooked squash, and eggs. FOR SEVEN MONTHS. It was the hardest thing I have ever done, and I have never wanted a salad so badly in my entire life, but I did it for the health of my son.

In sum, breastfeeding moms deserve a f***ing medal because they are doing the most selfless work in the world, or at least just turn your head the other way if they happen to be nursing. Maybe if you are so inclined, you can say something nice to them, because they probably have not talked to another adult in way too long, and they don’t get out much. If I’m nursing my baby covered up in an Ergo in the grocery store, it is because I need to feed my family, not because I want to show a glimpse of side-boob to a stranger. If you don’t like it, don’t look! I need to feed my three year old, I have a job and am busy, and my husband travels a lot. Deal with it.

In comments to articles about breastfeeding, a recurring theme is to tell mothers to stay home and breastfeed. Are we telling them they aren’t fit to be in society, or do women who have babies need to stop their careers altogether so that their boobs don’t offend anyone? I have modified my life in order to breastfeed, but I have not stopped it, which, given the treatment I have received, is yet another act of sheer will and determination. I have hiked mountains while breastfeeding, installed computer software in a walnut warehouse while breastfeeding, taught yoga and meditation classes while breastfeeding, written parts of my dissertation while breastfeeding, talked on the phone with clients while breastfeeding, shopped for appliances and tile and groceries, yes, while breastfeeding. Life doesn’t stop when you have a baby, and we shouldn’t ask women to stop their lives because they are breastfeeding. I am amazing because my breasts can feed my baby while I am living a full and varied life. I am a breastfeeding superhero, and when I breastfeed in public or post a picture of myself breastfeeding on Facebook, I’m showing women and girls that life, while breastfeeding, is possible.

  The first day of my breastfeeding adventure!